Feeling (Relatively) Empty

When I posted about Harrison’s “big boy” room, I mentioned that the lack of toys was purposeful. I also said I would talk about why that is. First, let me say why it isn’t:

• It is not because he doesn’t have any toys. Ha! He has plenty, they’re just not in his room. We did not do a mass purging. Although, the idea of that sounds good to me. David’s closet is starting to look like a toy store.
• It is not a punishment. We didn’t take all of Harrison’s toys away because he did something wrong. Believe me, I’ve thought about it. I don’t know who that would be punishing, though…
• They are not in his closet. We actually did have a shelving unit in his closet at one point that housed many of his toys. That unit has since moved into the upstairs living space. That was part of Phase 1 in updating Harrison’s room.

So, why did we take pretty much all the toys out of Harrison’s room? Well, it was distracting. I know I said it wasn’t as a punishment. It wasn’t. It was to help Harrison. Let me backtrack two years ago. Harrison was 18-months, and was starting to get inconsistent with the naps. My child who typically went down for a nap (twice a day) without much issue, was starting to spend sometimes half of his nap “talking” and “walking”. He wasn’t upset (most of the time), he was just not interested in the sleep part as much. I would pick him up from his sitter, and sometimes 2-3xs/week find out that he “eventually fell asleep” or maybe didn’t sleep at all. There would be days I would just be getting up from my work to go retrieve him from his crib and he had finally fallen asleep. The good news was that this never effected his bedtime, other than him going to bed sooner for lack of nap.

Up until 6-months ago, Harrison was still regularly napping in the afternoons, even if it was only 45-minutes. 45-minutes is still a nice little break for a mom, though. And, often it was just what his body needed to re-energize (i.e., not be a grouch the rest of the afternoon until bed). He was fighting it, though, many days. We were dealing with tantrums and battles during nap time at home because he kept going into his closet to play, which resulted in making noise when little brother was napping. We tried putting things in his closet during nap and put a child safety cover on the closet door knob so Harrison wouldn’t access his toys. This led to more frustration on his part and climbing furniture to reach things on shelves. Clearly, it was now also a safety issue. We were all exhausted from “nap time” and it was hurting our relationship with Harrison.

I thought things had turned around when Harrison started going a full-day at school. Since this included nap time, I thought the other children would serve as models for Harrison. I foolishly hoped that since Harrison would see other children sleeping, he would do it, too. Sure, I expected some inconsistencies at first. He had never done a group nap time. He usually slept in a room to himself; his own room. Initially, this worked. I would pick Harrison up, and he had napped the entire 2-hours! That lasted all of a month, maybe. Then I started to notice sometimes Harrison immediately went into “fight” mode with us after school. He would be telling me what he wanted for snack, and that would lead to tears and anger because he was so tired he couldn’t get it out or he would say the wrong thing and get upset when I brought him what he didn’t actually want. I started asking the teachers if there were issues at school, and I requested that they let me know if he napped or not because he was struggling in the afternoons. If he was napping, and still behaving this way, I was even more concerned.

Well, it turned out Harrison was having a few issues in the classroom. He wasn’t necessarily behaving badly, but he was struggling to choose work, and he was easily distracted. His teacher also pointed out that he seemed to have trouble regulating his volume, even though he was hearing fine and knew what “quiet voice” meant. We noticed him wiggling in his seat a lot at meal-time, and it wasn’t because he had to use the bathroom. During nap time, they had started covering the book shelves because Harrison was apparently noticing the books and loudly labeling them and trying to get things off the shelf. They would turn on a sound machine to help with background noise from the elementary students (I’m not sure if this was for Harrison or if the already did this). The teachers would sit next to Harrison and stroke his back, and this helped him fall asleep… short-term.

I watched Harrison try to nap one day at home, and it was painful. My child was so tired, but all he did was toss and turn and get out of bed, get back in bed, reposition himself; try to fall asleep. He knew it was hard. He wanted to avoid this painful time for himself, I think. He would be yawning and rubbing his eyes, but be telling me he wasn’t tired. Occasionally, he would say, “I can’t sleep, Mommy”. I wanted to help him. I felt like his room wasn’t his anymore, though. This was his space, and we were pretty much forbidding him from accessing his things during this 1-2 hour block of time.

We decided it was time to change his room. We took the cover off his doorknob. We took the shelf out of the closet with his toys and moved it into the space outside his room. We took the books off his shelf and put them in a basket somewhere else.  Labor Day weekend, we arranged for him to stay with David’s parents, and we started painting. We had shown him the colors beforehand, and we sent pictures along the way so Harrison could see the progress.  The last thing we wanted to do was surprise him. That’s a no-no with Harrison most of the time (unless it’s, “Surprise! We have a cupcake for you!).

Basically, Harrison needs minimal distractions to be able to rest.  There are still some things we want to do with Harrison’s room, but that likely won’t included putting toys back in there any time soon. And that’s okay with us and him. Give him a few books during rest, and he’s usually golden. He comes up with plenty to do without toys.

Harrison’s “Big Boy” Room

When we first looked at our current house almost two years ago, what is now Harrison’s room looked liked this:

Well, we took out the chandelier pretty quickly and the “girly” curtain rod. That was about it until last September. He actually liked the green, and it went with the rug and bedding we already had from his previous room. Plus, he wasn’t even two-years-old, and I’m pretty sure as long as his things were in his room, he was cool with it. Honestly, he’d still be fine with it, but Mommy wanted something different. Maybe no one else feels this way about some colors (barring pink and purple), but I felt this green was more feminine. It wasn’t a grass or hunter green. It was more of a “minty” green. Perhaps I was jaded knowing it was a girl’s room before.

Regardless, I was ready for a change. Harrison had transitioned out of his crib several months earlier, and he was turning 3. I felt like he was ready for a “big boy” room. I had been bringing home paint swatches and scouring Craigslist for dressers and other furniture. It may go without saying, but I was also “pinning” A LOT of inspiration rooms on Pinterest. Here’s what caught my eye:

Image via Apartment Therapy

Image via Apartment Therapy

Image via Apartment Therapy

There was so much I loved about each of these rooms. I loved the color scheme in all of them, and how open and child-friendly each room seemed. They also all have a “collected” feel. I’m not a big fan of everything new or purchasing a set of furniture. I loved the mix of masculine and child-like. They also seemed so inviting, which I think is key for any room, but particularly a room you expect your toddler to spend time (i.e., sleep) in. I also wanted something he could grow with. That point quickly steered me away from anything with a theme. I was happy to put a print on the wall and maybe sheets with characters (that would be covered by a blanket), but I wasn’t going to paint a mural of his current fascination (trucks) for him to tell me a year later he wanted fish. By the way, it’s still trucks.

Anyway, it’s not “done”, but it’s coming together. I had been slowly gathering items for Harrison’s room once I had a plan. His dresser was a steal off Craigslist that we had painted, and I found the shelving unit above the dresser on clearance at HomeGoods. On the dresser are a few sentimental items. The flag is from Harrison’s godfather. It was a flag that flew over his unit’s base camp in Afghanistan. The framed ultrasound was a gift from my parents on Harrison’s first Christmas. I picked up that frame with the vintage Peter Rabbit illustration at a flea market in North Carolina.

The shelving unit is full of more sentimental treasures. The musical snow globe was from Harrison’s Aunt Katie and Uncle Kevin after he was born. There’s a Truman the Tiger from Uncle Scott, a teddy bear from one of David’s trips to Germany, and a faux Oscar from another trip to LA. The books are old (vintage?) Winnie the Pooh books Grandpa B. recently picked up.

I purchased the cow print hanging above one of Harrison’s bookcases on clearance at Ikea.

The light fixture was actually from a 3-pack of hanging lights I purchased from World Market for Beckett’s room. He has the biggest and smallest lights in his room, and we used the medium-sized one in Harrison’s room. We purchased a small pendant kit for $12, and it was all good.

I purchased the rug on clearance at Tuesday Morning. It was one of those rugs I had to have, and if Harrison didn’t like it in his room, I was going to find someplace else for it. It was already 60% off, and then the sales woman pointed out an “inconsistency” in the yarn. I didn’t even see it, but when I asked if they’d knock some more off the price, she said she’d take another 25% off. Doesn’t hurt to ask!

We still plan on putting in a twin-sized bed, installing a project of mine above his bed, changing up the bookcases (with paint or fabric), painting stripes on his curtains, and tackling his closet. We’re thinking of making it part closet/part reading nook.

You may notice Harrison’s room devoid of any toys, and that’s purposeful. I didn’t clean up  before taking pictures (other than some “staging”). I’ll cover that topic in another post. Also, the boys’ rooms are the only two in the house that anything has been done to other than placing furniture in them. I think our room is next.

Lindsey’s Sprinkle

This past Saturday, my mom and I were honored to put together a sprinkle for one of my oldest and dearest friends. For those of you not familiar, a sprinkle is a way to celebrate someone who may be becoming a mother for the second or third time. My takeaway from what I read (because, yes, I did read up on a sprinkle since I’m that way) is that a sprinkle is more low-key. Since the mother likely has many of the “necessities”, it’s an opportunity to ask her what she may really want. Let’s face it, when you register for that first baby, you likely go way overboard and end up with a lot of things that you didn’t need and weren’t functional, or you realize that it would’ve been really nice to have something you didn’t register for. Also, if it’s been a few years, your items may be out-of-date, grimy, or non-existent. In Lindsey’s case, I knew it had been several years since her last child. And, even though she was having another girl (her oldest is a girl), this little one will be born in the opposite season (late spring vs. fall). Honestly, though, it just came down to the fact that I wanted to do this for my wonderful friend, and she was kind enough to let my mom and I do this for her.

I went back and forth with whether I should have a “theme”. I liked the idea of being literal with a sprinkle, and I saw so many great ideas using sprinkles everywhere, from the decor to the food.

Image via La Partie Diva

While I drew great inspiration from images such as these, I also wanted to do something original, and I had to consider that the sprinkle was during Brunch. It didn’t make a lot of sense to serve candy, cupcakes, and pretzels (well, to me). And, although I wish I had time to use cute signs/labels for the food, I just didn’t. I decided I’d take more inspiration from the sprinkle concept, and just go with what I liked (and had time for). I guess you could say I “sprinkled” lots of different ideas throughout…or you couldn’t. The funny thing is that one of Lindsey’s friends asked what my theme was, and I told her (semi-jokingly), “A clean house, and maybe some flowers.”. I hope I did better than that.

I decided to use a color scheme fitting with the girls’ room. That meant pink, orange, and hints of teal. I also wanted the decor to be functional.  I wanted Lindsey to be able to take items with her if she wanted (the basket with diapers, the tissue paper flowers, the real flowers, the diaper cakes), and I wanted the functional items to also be decorative (plates, napkins, utensil holders, you name it). Let’s start at the front entry, shall we:

I wanted something in this space as guests came in, and I also wanted to lead them into the office space where they could place gifts. Above the gift table, I liked the idea of clouds and rain. I saw this image via Fiskars, and wanted to duplicate it without copying it.

My version maybe didn’t turn out as “beautiful”, shall we say… but let’s not. I think I should have copied, but it’s the thought that counts.

You may recognize the zig-zag streamers from Beckett’s birthday. I was thinking it would look like rain falling from the sky, but I think the raindrops would have been more delicate and looked less haphazard. Lesson learned.

In the dining room, I set up a few stations for guests to go to as they pleased. Thanks to the idea of another guest (these women really are awesome), I created monthly onesies using this tutorial. I completed them beforehand because I didn’t feel ironing should be on the sprinkle agenda. I made little notecards with the idea that guests could pick a few months to write messages for Lindsey to read as she pulls out a onesie each month.

The other station was for late-night diaper changes. Guests could write something funny or sweet on the front of the diaper, and then Lindsey (or Travis; definitely Travis) can read these when they are up in the middle of the night with baby girl.

By the way, that’s Lindsey’s oldest helping Lindsey’s mom come up with some things to write. How cute is she?! She wanted to come with Lindsey and celebrate her baby sister.

As guests came into the living room, I put up a few decorations on the mantle, but a small diaper cake (made by one of Lindsey’s friends) and some writing on the chalkboard were the main attractions. I didn’t want too much in here because we would all be sitting there talking, eating, watching Lindsey open gifts, eating some more.

There was another “activity” for guests in the living room. I found a “Wishes for baby” printable that I thought was a sweet sentiment. I plan on binding them all together with a ribbon and giving them to Lindsey as a little book.

In the kitchen, I used the big diaper cake as a centerpiece on the table, and then the flowers and food took center stage. Even though it was brunch, I didn’t go overboard on the food and drink. I actually planned on another savory and sweet dish, but time constraints didn’t allow for that. It turned out perfect, though. My mom made a savory breakfast casserole, I baked some donuts, and we had some fresh fruit and sparkling cider. I was going to brew coffee, but it turned out everyone had already had their morning cup or two. These ladies made it easy on me.

It was such a fun celebration, and I am so thankful that on Mother’s Day weekend I was able to share this time with my own mother and so many other wonderful mothers. All of the decorations and food wouldn’t have meant anything without Lindsey and her wonderful family and group of friends.

Here are just a “sprinkling” of photos from that morning that actually include the guest of honor.

Thank you, Lindsey, for letting me throw this sprinkle for you!

It’s Nice To Feel Appreciated

It’s Teacher Appreciation Week, and Target has already nixed those cards in preparation for Mother’s Day. Seriously. Why do they do that?! It’s okay to have Christmas decor out before Halloween is over, but it is apparently asking too much to be able to get a card for Teacher Appreciation Week the actual week it occurs. I guess I have no one to blame but myself for not “getting on that”.

I don’t actually need a special card to thank Harrison’s teachers. I am beyond thankful for them day after day. I gush about Harrison’s Montessori experience constantly, and I jump at any opportunity to tell my friends about his school. I talk about the classroom; how it’s set up and how beautiful the materials are. I talk about how I am in awe of the fact that a group of 25+ children 2 1/2 – 6 can coexist in this environment without constant intervention from adults. I talk a lot about how wonderful I think Montessori is, and I mention the teachers, but I don’t really hang on that point. It has nothing at all to do with me not appreciating what Harrison’s teachers do. I feel like it has more to do with me not being able to fully comprehend how they do what they do.

First, let me say that I have respect and appreciation for all (okay, most) teachers. And, I do not mean to say that unless a teacher is a Montessori teacher, I think they are any less of a teacher. It’s more that I know and understand my son, and I know that Montessori is for him. I also know that Montessori with the teachers he has is for him. My intrigue with Montessori started before I was even pregnant with Harrison. I worked with a little girl who attended a Montessori school in North Carolina, and I remember thinking to myself how impressed and amazed I was at what was happening around me while I was there. I talked to David about it that night, and I casually mentioned that I would consider Montessori for our child(ren).

Fast forward 4 1/2 years, and we were trying to decide what we wanted to do with Harrison. I thought about his personality, his skills, his needs, and I didn’t feel like traditional preschool was for him. I recalled a friend of mine telling me about her first son’s experience with traditional school, and how it wasn’t a fit for him. The things she talked about hearing from the teacher regarding her son reminded me so much of Harrison. She said that after that experience, she and her husband looked into Montessori, and they ultimately decided to enroll their son. He has flourished. I kept thinking about Harrison, and I thought back to the Montessori school I had been in. David and I had talked about options, and we decided to schedule some observations. Well, after visiting the school Harrison currently attends, we knew it was for him. Harrison knew, too.

I know I want to write more about Harrison’s experience (and ours) with Montessori, so I’ll direct this post back to being thankful for his teachers. Of course I am thankful for the work he does there and the”formal” lessons he receives, but I am mostly thankful for the person they are helping form. I am thankful that these women have opened my eyes to who my son is and his potential. I don’t mean I didn’t already have high hopes for him, but I mean his potential in this moment. I feel like it’s easy to just see what your child isn’t doing (not putting shoes on, not cleaning up toys) and to look past what they are doing (he got out napkins for everyone without being asked; he put away his brother’s toys). When I look at those things, I realize the potential in Harrison to be this kind, generous, loving person if I don’t constantly remind him of what he’s not doing and let him know I see what he is doing. I don’t know that I did enough of that before, and maybe other people don’t need someone else to help them to do that. I did. And I’m thankful Harrison has the type of teachers who helped me do that.

I’m thankful that Harrison’s teachers love him.  When Harrison needed a little more guidance to choose materials for work, his teacher would invite him to walk around the classroom and help him to choose something. When Harrison struggled to rest his body at nap time, his teachers would sit next to him and stroke his back, knowing that helped calm his body. I think Harrison tells them, but if not, he loves you, too. He talks about Miss Sarah’s beautiful hair or Miss Peggy’s pretty outfit. He always talks about them with such fondness, and he lights up when he mentions a time he was invited to help with something. And I really know he loves them because there have been multiple times, “Mommy” is the 3rd name that comes to mind when he starts to tell or ask me something.

There is so much I appreciate about Harrison’s teachers, but most importantly, I just appreciate the women they are. They are more than the training they have to be a Montessori instructor. To me, they are special people who are seeing my son’s potential everyday, and they are helping him grow and always better himself. And they have made me better (I think, anyway) in the process. Thank you.

Mr. Independent

Beckett has always been one to want to figure things out on his own. I think some of it is a “second child” thing. We can’t focus as much attention on him as we did on Harrison when he was a baby/toddler. At times, I feel a little guilty, but other times I see him doing things that we didn’t let Harrison attempt at this age because we were worried about a mess or injury. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if we let Beckett roam the house without supervision. It’s more along the lines of us letting him try to figure things out instead of immediately rushing to his aid. You should see him maneuver his walker out of a corner.

Beside being a second child, I truly believe enrolling Harrison in Montessori a year ago has changed our parenting approach. It may sound silly, but I don’t know if we gave Harrison enough credit (and we probably still don’t). For example, we didn’t even think about giving Harrison an open cup when he was Beckett’s age because we were worried about spills and possibly broken glasses. We didn’t give his motor skills enough credit. We didn’t give Harrison enough credit. We were probably afraid of letting Harrison fail.

We gave Beckett an open cup at 8 – or 9-months, after I got inspired reading this blog. We helped him guide the cup to his mouth the first few go arounds, but he instinctively knew what to do. Beckett loved this independence. He became excited when he saw us filling his cup with water. Now, we just give Beckett his drink right along with his food at meal time. Such a little man.

One of Beckett’s new favorite activities is climbing up the stairs. Again, he attempted this a month ago, and we may or may not have accidentally freaked him out about it by telling him that wasn’t safe. Oops. Well, after recently visiting a friend who was excited to let her daughter demonstrate her new found skill, I realized our mistake. We had squelched Beckett’s independence in that moment. Not on purpose. We wanted him to be safe, but it’s not as if we couldn’t have stayed a safe distance behind while he explored climbing the stairs. It ended up as one of those things he seemed unsure of initially, and then (1 day later) he was zooming over to the stairs when we said it was time to go upstairs, and now we’re rushing to make sure we are behind him. I love the smile on his face while he’s doing something on his own. Especially something he’s just figured out.

I honestly just love watching Beckett enjoy life, and that’s really what he’s doing. He enjoys just being here, and it’s awesome!

*This is likely the first of many posts addressing how I feel incorporating a Montessori approach has changed our family for the better. 

Constructing a 3rd Birthday Party!

Okay, so I’m really behind on this one, but I figured since I composed a post on Beckett’s birthday, I owed Harrison one. Plus, I posted about Harrison’s birthday the past two years. We went with a construction theme for Harrison’s third birthday, as the child possibly has an affinity for all things construction.

We didn’t take a lot of photos during the day, as it was a bit chaotic. This was the first time Harrison had a birthday party that involved friends, and not just family. I guess his first birthday involved a couple of friends, but he didn’t really choose them (sorry Dillon and Owen). That party was more about people that were important to us; well, Harrison, too, but he just didn’t know it at the time.

I like to have a theme for a party, at least a birthday party, but I don’t like to go overboard. I think a few touches here and there and getting clever with some things goes a long way. The funny thing is I realize some people may read this and think we did too much or not enough. It worked for us, and, most importantly, the birthday boy.

Going with the construction theme, we purchased orange utility flags from Lowe’s and lined the sidewalk to the front door. Inside the house, we set up construction “zones”. Upstairs, we had paper and crayons for the kids to draw out plans (or just play). On the main floor, we had blocks set up for them to build with. David “taped off” the living room with construction tape.

We made the framed chalkboard right before Harrison’s birthday. I bought a frame from Goodwill for $7, and then we spray painted the frame and rolled chalkboard paint right over the picture inside. I wanted to do this for a while, and knowing we were having people over gave me the kick in the pants I needed to get it done.

You might also notice the little banner on the fire place. I intended to have more pictures of Harrison, but this was last-minute, and I didn’t have time to go in and scale his head in other photos to make it work. I think people still got the idea, and it had the intended effect. Harrison loved it, his friends thought it was funny, and family thought it was cute.

Outside, we had some shovels and gravel and trucks. We really lucked out with the weather, as it was early November. It was a gorgeous day, and it was nice to let the kids run around outside.

When it came time for cake, I went pretty simple. Well, let me back up and say the cake looked simple. I decided on a vegan cake. The reason I did this was because I was on a restricted diet at the time as a result of some sensitivities Beckett was experiencing. Maybe it was selfish, but I wanted some cake, too.  The cake was A PROCESS! I was frosting it when the first guests arrived. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a cake I could’ve done ahead of time. When I had some the next day, it was still delicious, but it was very crumbly, and the frosting came off in pieces.

It was a big hit with Harrison and most of the other children. Harrison wanted seconds, and another child was trying to get thirds! One child tried it, and then he politely told me he didn’t like it and was throwing it away. In full disclosure, it wasn’t completely vegan. The dirt was crushed Joe-Joes from Trader Joe’s, and the rocks were chocolate-covered raisins. Most people just got the cake with frosting, though.  And, yes, I did clean the bulldozer before putting it on the cake.

I purchased some cupcakes in case the cake was a flop or a few kids hated it. I almost got one out for the one child who didn’t like the cake, but it turned out I didn’t have to. He didn’t ask for anything else, and there were other snacks for him to eat. In hindsight, I was glad I didn’t have to pull out the cupcakes. I think that would’ve been disastrous.

It was such a fun day, and I was grateful that Harrison had so many friends to share in his celebration. It made turning 3 even more special! He’s already planned out his next 5 birthdays, too.

 

Contributing to Family

If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, you probably saw these pictures from earlier today:

Harrison and I took a hike along the Katy Trail today. There are several trailheads near us, so we just picked one and took a hike (pun intended). It was a perfect day for it; it was just a little cool out, and we got to wear our boots since it had rained recently. I mean, take a boy out in the woods, and he’s already happy, but toss in mud and puddles, and he’s in heaven!

Just as we started, an older man passed us and decided to tell me I would probably end up holding Harrison. I said I didn’t think so, and he proceeded to tell me, “If you go down that hill, you will.”. I kindly told him I appreciated the “heads up”, and Harrison and I chose to go down the hill. Harrison did ask for me to carry him on the way back, but it had nothing to do with being tired. Someone forgot to use the bathroom before we left, and he wouldn’t go outside. (Uh, get on that, Daddy.) I told him I would hold his hand and help him make it up the hill, and that worked. Other than that, it was an exciting hike full of rocks, worms, puddles, plants, and mud!

We do this kind of thing with Harrison a lot, but this was a special trip he chose this morning. We are always talking to Harrison about how he contributes to our family, but we recently decided to help drive the concept home, if you will. We want Harrison to understand that he contributes to the family because everyone has a role in a family, but at  almost 3 1/2, he still needs a little encouragement. We decided to do this in a form of a “contribution chart”. I had read about this concept in several places (here is just one).

David and I didn’t want to pay Harrison for his contributions, though. Again, the idea is that he contributes his share because that’s what you do as part of a family. Also, he already has a natural desire to “do”, as most children his age do. He wants to do work and help us out. He just needs some motivation at times. That’s where the contribution chart comes in. I printed off this free template. Here’s the image from the site.

I framed ours so we could use a wet-erase marker on it. I do love a gold sticker, but I didn’t want to print off a new chart each week. It works perfectly for Harrison. He has to make sure all of his blankets and pillows look decent on his bed; he gets himself dressed and folds and puts away his clothes/puts away dirty clothes and puts on pajamas; sets his place at the table and clears it; brushes his teeth; cleans up toys. Basically, I hit the jackpot finding this chart. The icons fit with all of Harrison’s responsibilities. Harrison gets a check mark if he completes something with minimal prompting (i.e., we don’t have to tell him 3xs and he requires little if any assistance). He still has to perform every task, but he may not get a check for it.

Here’s what we don’t do:

• We don’t tell him he does or doesn’t get a check mark. 
• We don’t punish him for not getting check marks.
• We don’t praise him for getting check marks. We may let him know we appreciate that he’s contributing and doing his part, but we don’t applaud him for doing what is expected of him.
• We don’t bribe him with candy or other gifts.

Here’s what we do:

• We put the contribution chart in plain view in the kitchen area. Harrison can see for himself if he is or isn’t receiving checks.
• We thank him for being an important part of our family and let him know it means a lot to us that he does his part. For example, I may tell David, in front of Harrison, how Harrison did a nice job folding his pajamas.
• We let him choose an “experience” at the end of the week (Friday) for his contributions. David and I predetermine what will go in the “pile” based on the checkmarks, but Harrison helped us come up with many of the experiences.

We have used the contribution chart for two weeks, and it has been hugely successful so far. Not to say we have a 100% success rate (more like 80%), but we have noticed Harrison getting better at just doing and not needing reminding. Last week, he chose the train store (Barnes and Noble), and this week he chose a nature hike. And that takes us back to the beginning. The nature hike we took today was an experience Harrison chose after another week of contributions.

The other bonus is it gives Harrison some 1-on-1 time with Mommy or Daddy. Some we will do as a family (the zoo), but it’s nice to give Harrison some individual attention. We strive to devote equal time (whatever that means) to the boys, but the truth is that can be difficult at times, and we notice it can put a strain on Harrison when he’s feeling “neglected”.  I know he really appreciates this time, and it helps us reconnect with him. A win-win in my book.